I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
