last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
