Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
