Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
