Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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