You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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