watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
