yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
