So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
