A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
