Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
