I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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