I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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