I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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