In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
