Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
