Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
