I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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