I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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