I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
