ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Randomize
