So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
