the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
