plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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