Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
