I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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