At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
