I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
His hands were made for my vagina.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
