can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
