I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
