Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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