Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
