I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
