we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
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