Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
