he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
