I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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