He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The convent might be a nice break from real life
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
