i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm sobbing to NWA
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
