I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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