remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
