I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I wish I could punch you in the face.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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