just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
