I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
