I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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