One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
