I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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