She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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