And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
