youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Randomize
