Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
